God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
