After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
