Already got asked if we're dating
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
