just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
there is glitter all over my balls
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