just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
