I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize