we made out on top of his cat.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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