just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
