bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I have post one night stand depression
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