i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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