So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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