i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
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I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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