I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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