i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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