I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
