My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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