Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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