so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize