Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
