Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize