dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
