Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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