Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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