Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
