The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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