True but thats because hes a fetus.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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