It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
