I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
