If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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