How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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