I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
