I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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