Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
