I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
