maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
i think im in europe. pls send help
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
