The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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