'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
