I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
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