I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
