Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
