My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
