They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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