so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
