it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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