For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
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