youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
