How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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