I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
