The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
