and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Text me some of your sweat
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
