wat bout pragnant strippers??
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm like, not good at living.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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