Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
