My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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