What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
