My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I would ride that face into the sunset
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize