Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
