Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
