So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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