The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
