he told me I talked like a deaf person
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
