We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
