dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
