i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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