we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
