Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
