We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize