Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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