Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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