I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
