You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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