Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
