just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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