If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
