then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
