found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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