yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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