I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
